


Next October's Mantra

by voleuse



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-10
Updated: 2009-02-10
Packaged: 2017-10-04 01:54:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voleuse/pseuds/voleuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>I'd like to curl into myself; I could imagine lying down</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Next October's Mantra

**Author's Note:**

> Set between 2.16 and 2.17. Title and summary adapted from Lyn Lifshin's _October 30, 2001_.

Blair knew there were things she shouldn't take too seriously. CNN, because it was mostly flash with little substance. Sophomores, because they were _sophomores_. Serena's occasional forays into activism, because Serena espoused many causes, but paid attention to very few.

Her mother's remarks about weight also weren't to be taken seriously, because those had to do with the fashion world, not with Blair's health. Those remarks were a bad habit, and Blair knew she should ignore them. (That's what her therapist told her, anyway.)

Yale, however, Blair took extremely seriously. Yale was do or die, with emphasis on the _die_.

Miss Carr would learn that eventually. Blair resolved to teach her.

*

 

Eleanor called the morning after Blair's Yale admission went on hold. Blair had to break the news to her, because her father told her it was the responsible thing to do.

"Blair," her mother said, "we'll fly back this afternoon and take care of this."

"No!" Blair said, then took a deep breath. "No, Mother, it's fine. It's just," she wrinkled her nose, "some community service. Dorota can help me."

"Are you sure?" her mother asked.

"Yes," Blair replied. "Give my love to Cyrus, okay?"

"I will," her mother said. "Say hello to Harold."

"I will," Blair promised.

"Goodbye, dear," her mother said, and then she hung up.

Blair listened to the dial tone for a moment. "Bye."

*

 

"They want me to pick up _trash_." Blair fell onto her bed with a groan.

Static crackled on the line for a second, then Serena's laugh rang through. "They couldn't just give you detention?"

"Miss Carr has it in for me," Blair said. "She'll have me scrubbing the floors with a toothbrush next."

"I'm sorry, B," Serena replied. "But don't you think you kind of deserve it?"

"Please," Blair said. "It's not like I killed her puppy or anything. This is completely out of proportion!"

Serena laughed again. "Like you've never over-reacted to a prank?"

"Ha." Blair smirked at her ceiling, then sighed. "Say something to cheer me up, S."

"Um. Chuck's moving back in," Serena said. "Though that's probably more like something that would cheer up Eric. Or my mom, I guess."

"I'm sorry," Blair said, "I can't hear news about people who no longer exist."

"Right," Serena said. "Well, I think I need a new pair of boots."

"Excellent." Blair sat up. "I'll pick you up in ten."

*

 

Blair tugged on her pair of gloves and scowled. "This is humiliating," she said. "And it'd better not rain while we're out here."

"Yes, Miss Blair," Dorota replied. She speared a styrofoam cup and tossed it into the trash bag.

"And it's cold," Blair continued. "It's like they don't even care about my health."

Dorota nodded, shifting to the next park bench. She shoved a crumpled newspaper into the bag.

"Do you think I should hire a private investigator?" Blair asked. "I'm sure Miss Kansas has some skeletons in her closet. Nobody's _that_ idealistic, right?"

"No, Miss Blair." Dorota cleared her throat. "A private investigator?"

Blair looked at Dorota sharply, then paused. "You're right. That's probably overkill." She rubbed her hands together. "Always try Google first. And then her personnel file."

"Yes, Miss Blair," Dorota said.

"God, Dorota!" Blair folded her arms. "How long do I have to suffer like this?"

*

 

Every night, Dorota brought Blair her meds and a glass of mineral water, a fresh sleeping mask, and the latest updates on Gossip Girl. Blair checked the news, took her meds, and placed the mask over her eyes with a sigh.

Blair's therapist had told her people worried too much about things they couldn't change. Ordinary people, Blair's therapist had explained, didn't have control over the events in their lives.

Every night, Blair put on her sleeping mask and counted to one hundred. She thought about how ordinary people had no control over destiny, and she thought of everything she shouldn't take seriously.

And every night, Blair breathed deeply, and felt thankful she wasn't ordinary.


End file.
